The Impact Of A Dysfunctional Childhood On Your Adult Life

Dysfunction can cause a lot of hurt, stunted growth, and developmental issues for the children within an unhealthy family unit. While some people believe that most children will forget bad experiences in childhood, it’s important to understand that a dysfunctional childhood can seriously impact the child’s adult life.

Childhood is a time when a lot of learning and growing is happening. If a child experiences the negative impacts of living in a dysfunctional family, there is a serious risk of them seeing the ripples of that dysfunction within their adult life. According to Psych Central blogger and social worker Sharon Martin, “Children who grow up in dysfunctional, chaotic, or addicted families often feel inadequate, defective or broken; and these feelings don’t magically disappear when they grow up and leave home.”

What causes children of dysfunctional families to develop issues in their adult lives?

Martin explains that there are many reasons why a child may grow up to feel inadequate or inferior as adults due to negative experiences they had in a dysfunctional household. Some of those experiences might include…

- Being outright insulted by a parent or trusted adult within the household

- Being made to feel like you were the root cause of all familial issues

- Being ignored or forgotten by your parents

- Never being told that you were loved or appreciated by your family

- Suffering sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse

- Being forced to “grow up” too soon and take on adult roles as a child

- Being made to feel unsafe within your home

When children go through these types of negative experiences as children, it’s important to remember that the dysfunction is happening during highly formative years. For better or worse, children learn everything they need to know and develop much of their personalities within the context of their family experiences. If those experiences are negative and dysfunctional, they will begin to internalize many of those experiences as the foundations of their very being. These kinds of issues won’t simply disappear when the child grows into an adult and leaves home.

How can a dysfunctional childhood follow a person into adulthood?

Adult children of dysfunctional households can experience problems well into adulthood. For example, childhood dysfunction can cause an adult to…

1. Experience crippling perfectionism.

An adult who spent their childhood in a dysfunctional family may strive for perfectionism, believing that if they can’t do everything perfectly, then they will become a huge disappointment for all the other people around them. Just as they didn’t want to disappoint an overbearing parent, they also don’t want to disappoint anyone else in their lives, especially if they are an authoritative figure, such as a supervisor.

2. Feel shameful.

Martin explains that children in dysfunctional families often grow up to experience crippling feelings of shame. Martin writes, “being ignored, invalidated, and rejected causes us to feel ashamed. And shame is built on the belief that you are deeply and fundamentally flawed.” Since shame can stop a person from exploring and talking about what they experienced, it can be difficult to overcome these big feelings from childhood.

3. Feel unworthy or incapable of goodness.

Adults who experienced turbulent, dysfunctional childhoods often enter adulthood feeling unworthy or even incapable of experiencing goodness. Because their childhoods were besotted with shame, guilt, abuse, and more, they struggle to see how they could possibly deserve any better as adults. Because dysfunctional childhoods seep into the foundations of who that child is, those feelings of incapability and unworthiness can easily follow a person throughout their lives.

Resource:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2020/03/adult-children-of-dysfunctional-families-unworthiness-and-shame