Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family – Addressing Struggles As An Adult In Relationships

Growing up in a dysfunctional family presents a lot of challenges to a child, and unfortunately, many of those challenges continue to follow that child straight into adulthood if they are allowed to continue unchecked.

One of the biggest ways dysfunctional family upbringings negatively impacts adults is through their relationships. Because dysfunctional family relationships are a child’s first experience interacting with other people in a close fashion, the way those relationships are structured teaches them a lot about how to interact with others….often for the worst.

How do dysfunctional families cause adult children to struggle with relationships?

Thrive Couple & Family Counseling Services describes a few different ways adults’ relationships can be negatively impacted by their dysfunctional family upbringings:

1. Lack of boundaries

Dysfunctional families often don’t have many – if any – boundaries. This means family members treat each other in ways that are unwelcome or uncomfortable without understanding why those actions could make someone feel that way. This lack of boundaries can transfer straight into other relationships formed as an adult.

2. A tendency to hide or ignore obvious issues

All relationships have their shares of conflicts and issues, which is why learning how to handle them is critical for the health and success of the relationship. In dysfunctional families, these issues are often hidden or ignored rather than handled, so a tendency to react this way often transfers into adulthood.

3. Shutting down in the face of emotions

Dysfunctional families often do not engage with or process emotions well. This trait can follow a child of a dysfunctional family straight into adulthood – they will not know how to engage or process their own emotions, let alone the emotions of a new friend or partner.

What can an adult child of a dysfunctional family do to address their relationship struggles?

You do not have to struggle in your relationships forever. Consider implementing these strategies to get started healing your relationships with others:

1. Get yourself into therapy.

One of the best things you can do to heal your relationships is to work on healing your past. Spend time in therapy taking care of the “inner child” that had to grow up in a dysfunctional family household. Getting to the root of your issues will make healing your adult relationships a lot easier in the long run.

2. Practice clear and open communication.

Rather than trying to hide or minimize feelings, practice expressing them to the other person…even if they aren’t good or pleasant feelings. The more you practice talking about your emotions, the more comfortable you will become with discussing them openly with the other people in your life.

3. Stop the comparison game.

It is natural to want to compare all your new relationships with old ones, but don’t fall into this trap – especially if you tend to lean on comparisons with your dysfunctional family. Just because your familial relationships weren’t healthy doesn’t mean all your relationships will be that way. Rather than comparing, focus on building something new and amazing.

4. Erase the stigma of bad childhood relationships from your mind.

There is a common misconception that people who grew up with dysfunctional family relationships are doomed to repeat the same mistakes in the future adulthood relationships, and this is simply not the case. Remember, you have the power to break the dysfunction cycle and make better choices. Pay attention to your past experiences and use them to inform your future choices so they can be smarter, better, and stronger.

Resource:

https://thrivefamilyservices.com/will-my-dysfunctional-childhood-ruin-my-relationship/