Self-Help Groups For Adults Who Grew Up In Dysfunctional Homes

Did you grow up in a dysfunctional home? If so, there's a good chance it has had a dramatic impact on the entire course of your life. And if you have any chance to overcome that, you have to first understand the specific ways it impacts you to this day. Only then can you challenge unhealthy behaviors and bad choices that have followed you throughout your life. Up until this point, you have learned to deal with dysfunction as though it is normal, but you have to free yourself from that way of thinking.

The Family Dysfunction

There are a variety of factors that feed into family dysfunction. It could be a caregiver dealing with an illness (mental, addiction, or physical), compulsive behavior, or bad behavior. It could be down to neglect or codependency. Whatever the dysfunction, it creates negative patterns, and those negative patterns impact every part of family life.

If your emotional needs were often ignored and you were always looking for new ways to cope, then there's a good chance you were dealing with dysfunction in the home. If there were unspoken rules that you used to navigate life with your caregivers, this is a clear sign of dysfunction. If you were parentified, whether to look after younger siblings or your parents, then this was dysfunction.

If any of the below describes you, then it's high time you got real with yourself and learn what to do about it.

• Adults who grew up in dysfunction often struggle to finish tasks. They start off strong, but they have follow-through struggles and it's usually because they try to do everything all at once. They aren't skilled in pacing themselves so they burn out and give up.

• Adults who grew up in dysfunction often stretch the truth or outright lie with no reservations because the first unspoken rule in a dysfunctional family is denial. They become so comfortable with it, it becomes a bad habit, even when the truth would be easier to tell.

• Adults who grew up in dysfunction often hold themselves to a painfully high standard in whatever they do. They can't let go of any part of the project because they believe only they can do it properly. They weren't good enough as children, so they hold themselves to the highest of standards and judge themselves more harshly than anyone else ever could.

• Adults who were raised in dysfunctional homes will often struggle with intimate relationships. They want to be in a healthy and happy relationship, but they don't have a frame of reference for what that looks like. They don't believe they are good or lovable so they are prone to pushing people away once they get close.

• Additionally, those raised in dysfunctional homes may struggle with adapting to change, self-image issues, anxiety and depression, an over-developed sense of responsibility, and a distinct feeling they are different from everyone else.

Other symptoms include an inability to have fun, taking themselves too seriously, extreme loyalty, and impulsivity. It's hard to relax and unwind when you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. As a result, their spontaneity was long crushed and they can't abide by other people behaving silly. Still, they are fiercely loyal, and often to people who do not deserve it. They are prone to excessive spending and jumping headfirst into things. They didn't get to experience this part of childhood so they exercise it now.

Next Steps

Recognizing there is a problem is the first step and it's an important one. You can't break down the damage your dysfunctional upbringing has created without first recognizing that it is still controlling you.

There are many paths you could take to remedy the effects of your dysfunctional upbringing. But a self-help group is a unique opportunity to hear from people who had childhoods similar to yours. In addition to online forums where you will find many like-minded people, you can also search the web for local meetups. Don't underestimate the power of sitting down with people who have been there and opening up about your personal experience. Firstly, talking about it out loud is an important step. Secondly, having your emotions validated is huge. And, for people who have never felt as though they had a safe space to be vulnerable, a self-help group is exactly that.