Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family – You Don’t Have To Be Their Victim In Adulthood

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can feel like being stuck inside a giant spider’s web. You feel trapped as a child because you depend on your family for guidance, protection, and support, but at the same time, the family that should be looking out for you is also causing you harm.

Eventually, the children of dysfunctional families grow up, become adults, and are able to liberate themselves from these difficult households. Despite being outside of the house and living an independent adult life, many people still struggle with feeling victimized by their dysfunctional families.

It is possible to end the victimhood once and for all so you can move past your dysfunctional family upbringing and become the person you were always meant to be.

How do dysfunctional families continue to make adult children feel like victims?

The Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization identifies a “laundry list” of traits common among adults who grew up in challenging, difficult families, some of them including…

- We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

- We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

- We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.

- We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

- We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves.

- We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

- We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."

- We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial).

- We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

- We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

In short, bad childhood experiences can easily follow a young child into their eventual adulthood.

How can you stop being a victim in adulthood?

You do not have to continue being a victim of your dysfunctional family as an adult. Consider implementing these strategies to begin reclaiming your own life back:

1. Set some boundaries with your family.

Make boundaries, set them, and enforce them. You do not have to spend time around people who make you feel useless or little. Protect your well-being by being strict with the boundaries you set.

2. Stop making excuses for other people’s poor behavior or choices.

When growing up with dysfunctional parents, you may have caught yourself trying to explain away their bad decisions or behaviors. Perhaps you generated excuse after excuse, trying to protect your image of a normal, happy family. As an adult, you don’t have to do that. Be honest about your parents’ shortcomings and the hurt they caused.

3. Focus on your own self-development.

As an adult, you have room to grow, learn, and explore. Focus on making yourself the best version of you that you can be. Learn from mistakes, take on new experiences, and seize opportunities that come your way. Focusing on your own self-development is an amazing way to reclaim your life as your own and stop being the victim of your dysfunctional family’s grasp.

Resource:

https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/