Commonly Experienced Feelings Of Adult Childhood Abuse Survivors

It might feel like it sometimes, but you are not the only survivor of childhood abuse. Part of the effects of childhood abuse include feelings of guilt and loneliness. The loneliness you feel benefits the perpetrator, whether it was a family member, a teacher, or someone else in a position of trust. Whatever happened, whoever did it, it was not your fault and it is not too late to start the healing process.

Common Feelings of Adult Childhood Abuse Survivors

The symptoms adult childhood abuse survivors experience depend on the age the abuse started, the frequency of the abuse, and how long it lasted and can be complicated by who the perpetrator is. For example, if a parent is the perpetrator, that can result in much more profound feelings because there wasn't a safe place to go. Additionally, major life events can be a trigger for those feelings, whether it's a birth or death, a marriage or divorce.

If you were abused as a child, whether sexually, physically, or emotionally, then you have likely experienced a range of effects. There are short and long-term impacts that survivors face. The feelings that tend to follow adult childhood abuse survivors are vast.

·         Guilt

There may be different layers to the guilt you feel. It might be that your guilt revolves around your inability to put a stop to the abuse. You may feel guilty because of the way your body responded to the abuse. A biological response to sexual abuse is not consent, nor is it an indication that you wanted that to happen. You aren't the person to blame, the person to blame is the person who hurt you. With guilt, comes shame and blame.

·         Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is a common outcome for adult childhood abuse survivors. The reason for this is often the result of an abuser who uses negative messages as a form of control. It may also be from having your personal space and safety repeatedly ignored or violated. Low self-esteem isn't just a case of feeling bad about yourself, it can impact the health of your friendships and romantic relationships, your career, and your physical and mental health.

·         Intimacy Problems

Intimacy can be a struggle for adult childhood abuse survivors. It's difficult to trust when your trust has been broken by someone who should have helped build it rather than tear it down. And with the emotional issues that come as a result of childhood abuse, it can be difficult to talk about emotions because it can be difficult to regulate emotions.

It can be difficult for adult childhood abuse survivors to set appropriate boundaries, and without setting boundaries, it is almost impossible to feel safe in a relationship.

If you are the victim of childhood sexual abuse, then this can be an even deeper issue that should be addressed with a professional. Even when you engage in consensual sexual acts, you may experience painful memories or flashbacks to your childhood sexual abuse.

Why Do I Feel Like This?

Just because you're an adult now, doesn't mean the experiences of your childhood are gone. You still have the memories of what happened to you, and they have been with you for a very long time. A lot of survivors keep abuse a secret, whether it's because they tried to speak up once and were dismissed or because they are afraid or ashamed to speak up. Or, there may not have been an adult in your life that felt safe enough to speak to.

These are just a few of the reasons why the effects of childhood abuse follow you throughout your life. There isn't a deadline for recovering from childhood abuse. There isn't a timeline that says you should get over it by x, y, or z. Everyone adult childhood abuse survivor has to take their own healing journey.

If you were the victim of abuse in your childhood, then speaking to a trained professional is a good place to start the healing journey. You might think you haven't been impacted by what happened to you, but it's impossible to escape unscathed. If someone close to you confides in you about their own experience with childhood abuse, your reaction can impact their next steps. Learn to be an active listener and how to provide support as they start their healing journey.