6 Signs Of A Dysfunctional Family

There is a range of signs that you grew up in a dysfunctional family. Ultimately, it's growing up in a space where you are discouraged from trusting yourself. While everyone is entitled to be everything they can be, people who grow up in dysfunction have unconscious limitations that make that difficult. No two dysfunctional families are the same. That being said, there are certain signs and symptoms that point to a clear problem.

1. Addiction

Addiction creates unhealthy relationships. There is an emotional toll that it takes on an entire family, and it can reach into generations. When someone in the home is dealing with addiction, everyone's life revolves around that addiction. People struggling with addiction often make poor decisions, act impulsively, and are prone to dangerous activity. Children living with a caregiver dealing with addiction are going to feel those effects.

2. Perfectionism

This is more common than a lot of people realize and it can be incredibly subtle. It works in two different ways. On one hand, there are parents who drive their children to chase perfection. But there are also children who strive for perfection due to some misguided idea that achieving it will ensure their parents love them. Either avenue is unhealthy.

Expectations that revolve around perfection are unrealistic. Those expectations damage every relationship and it sets everyone in the family system up for failure. You can't force people to be what you want them to be. You can't make people act the way you want them to. And you can't hold everyone to the highest of standards. Nobody gets everything right all the time, and they shouldn't feel like they have to. If they do, it's because they were raised in a dysfunctional home.

3. Conditional Love

One of the common issues in dysfunctional families is conditional love. These people withhold their love and affection to manipulate others into behaving a certain way. For example, you make it hard to love you because you aren't loyal to everyone in the family. So, when you improve your relationships with everyone else, then I will love you. By withholding love it puts the family under constant pressure to work hard to please them and it doesn't let the family relax and be themselves at home.

4. No Boundaries

You may be familiar with the term, but you may not understand what a lack of boundaries looks like in a family.

◦ A lack of boundaries may come in the form of a controlling parent who makes big decisions for you and doesn't factor your opinion into the process.

◦ A parent who uses intimidation to prevent you from speaking your mind. Or, a parent who actively discourages you from being an assertive person.

◦ An older sibling who has been forced to take on the role of parent.

◦ A lack of respect when it comes to individual autonomy.

◦ A lack of respect when it comes to providing family members with space.

All of these issues, or any of them, can create codependency in relationships. It's unhealthy in childhood, but it can damage your adult relationships as well.

5. Neglect or Abuse

Neglect is a type of passive harm, in that it's down to a parent's inactivity. It's a failure to feed children or the act of withholding attention, interest, or love. Whereas, abuse is active harm. It can be violent, physical, or verbal but it is an active act. They are both bad and families who get caught up in these cycles are dysfunctional. When you grow up in this type of environment, you run the risk of perpetuating those behaviors in your own family unless you seek professional help to address the harm caused to you.

6. Poor Communication

You can't voice an opinion because you don't have any understanding between family members. There's a constant tension in the air which makes it feel unsafe to communicate. Rather than discuss problems, they are swept under the rug.

If you recognize any of the signs listed above, then you may already be familiar with some of the effects of those on your adult life. It can be a difficult process to unpack, but you can break the cycle.